Women’s Friendships/Relationships

 

Best Friends Therapy–

They met in the parking lot at the beach. The air was cold and crisp. The temperature was 58 degrees, but the wind made it feel much colder.

Marie is 5’7″ 130 pounds. She had on three layers of yoga pants, and three layers on top: a shirt, sweatshirt, and a big hooded sweatshirt that went down to mid-thigh. She had “hot hands” heating pads in her shoes. She is always cold and wanted to stay warm. Wrapped around her neck was a pink scarf, and on her head was her “Tom Brady” New England Patriots winter cap. She had her pink winter gloves on.

Rose is 5’4″ 200 pounds. She wore jeans and a tee shirt covered by a pink hoody and her “North Face” jacket. She had on her pink New England Patriots baseball cap and her pink and purple crocheted scarf. She had her black leather gloves on. They got out of their vehicles and wrapped up, their hoods up so the wind wouldn’t hurt their ears.

The waves were crashing on the rocks behind them. Rolling white tubes emitted a spray of salty mist.

One pound weights in each hand, they started out on their walk. Today it was just the two friends and they were glad. Both women were having trouble coping with daily life. Marie said, “He doesn’t get how much I do for him. He wants me to try to make seven course, gourmet meals. Like I have time for that. He should be happy with the meals I do make. The house is clean, the laundry is done, and his records are completed for the business. Never mind, he couldn’t just leave me alone this morning and let me wake up. He had to jump my bones before he went outside to work.”

Rose responded, “I know, I’m trying to make healthier meals for the kids. I go through all this work and they won’t even eat it. I’m better off just giving them cereal, bananas, and peanut butter toast. There’s no break, Missy’s working now so I can’t get anyone to watch the kids. I’m ready, how ’bout you? Florida here we come! Nobody will ask us to do anything, we could find a place to stay. I’m sure I could get a job pretty quick, there’s plenty of elderly to take care of down there. All we would have to do is take care of ourselves.”

This venting went on for a while before they knew it they had already reached the incline. “Let’s do the parking lot.” “OK.” Marie commented, “I’m glad Gina and Melany didn’t want to walk today.” “Yeah, me too. I really needed to vent. They would think we’re snapping out, which we are. Temporary insanity!” The two friends laughed.

They were at the far corner of the parking lot. It was time for a pee break, they walked up the hill into the trees and took care of business. A little further into the tree cover was an oasis of solitude. It looked like a campground. Huge cement squares circled an area with a fire pit in the middle. The pair of friends sat down for a while. Friends since the young age of seven, they didn’t even need to talk. The two just sat and enjoyed the quiet calmness of the atmosphere. “Okay, it’s time to exercise now. Let’s punch out this walk,” said Marie.

They started kind of speed walking, the wind was churning around them. “Want to stay in the parking lots? It’s warmer, less windy.” “Sure!” They walked only four miles that day.

On the journey back to the car they noticed the moon was shining in the sky on one side of them, and the sun was still shining on the other.  It was unusual because it was only 3:30 p.m.

Rose took a deep cleansing breathe. “I feel much better, guess I’ll just keep swimming for now. Florida will just have to wait.” The friends laughed at themselves.

 

Acquaintance Walk with Gina and Melany–

Gina and Melany joined in the walk today.  Rose and Marie were dressed like they were in the previous walk, maybe one less layer. They didn’t need hats and gloves today. It was warmer today. They still carried their weights. They were more interested in exercising today.

Gina is 5’2” 140 pounds. She had on grey sweatpants and a blue sweatshirt. She doesn’t carry weights. Melany is 5’5” 150 pounds. She had on her workout outfit, yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She had her one pound weights in hand.

They all started out together. Gina and Marie were talking about a date Gina made with a guy online. Gina always walks faster than everyone else. She is in a hurry to have a cigarette at the end of the walk. Rose and Melany talked about the baby cows that Melany was taking care of in her backyard.

They got to the incline and stopped to stretch. “Gina, thank you for the clothes you gave me for my granddaughter. They are starting to fit her now,” Rose said.

“No problem, I had to get them out of my mom’s house. At least someone I know can benefit from them.”

“Did you guys see the clothes that were on sale at Victoria’s Secret this week?” asked Marie.

Rose rolled her eyes, “Like any of their clothes will fit me.”

“You would be surprised they have all sizes there,” Gina chimed in.

The ladies continued their walk.  They walked six miles today.

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The conversations vary between the friends. There are four possible levels of relationship (Anne 2014)

• The first level is acquaintance. That is a person you know slightly, but who is not a close friend.
• The second level is casual. This level is initial friends, people that you don’t know very well. You would use the lowest level of communication. Conversation would just involve the exchange of facts and information. There are no feelings, opinions, or personal vulnerability involved. Those who communicate at this level share minimal intimacy.
• The third level is close. Those friends are people who have worked their way through the first two levels, and have established a relationship with you. You share similar likes and dislikes. The conversation gets deeper, because you start taking small risks sharing your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. You start associating with them outside of where you’ve met.
• The final level is intimate, or best friend. This is the highest level of a relationship. At this level trust is well established They have seen you at your worst, and they don’t judge you. They support you in good times and in bad times. Even if it is just to listen without bias. They tell you the truth about yourself, even if you don’t want to hear it. They will protect you and would fight for you to the death. You could argue and disagree about things, but nothing could ever come between you.

Rose and Marie are at the intimate level of friendship. Their conversations go much deeper. They have known each other since they were seven years old. They could just look at each other at times and know what they’re thinking. They are always there for each other. They keep each other together; that is if one is falling apart, the other is always there to comfort her.

Gina and Melany’s children go to school with Marie’s son. Melany has more in common with Marie. They both help their men with their businesses. They are at the close friend level. Gina is more of a casual friend to Marie. A walking partner, Marie listens and shares opinions, but still distances herself from Gina. Rose doesn’t even have Gina or Melany’s phone numbers. They are just casual friends so they stick to small talk, like the baby cows, or clothes.

The value of friendship in women’s lives is enormous. Sometimes we can’t count on the men in our lives to sort out our mixed-up emotions. They tend to bottle up their emotions. On the other hand, women count on each other to control stress in their lives. They can vent their emotions and sort through their troubles. A UCLA study “suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more” (Berkowitz 2002)  Intimate friendships can keep our sanity intact. I know personally, I don’t know what I would do without my best friend.

Having a place like this to walk and vent their troubles certainly helps these friends keep their sanity.

 

Works Cited

Anne. “There are Four Possible Levels of Relationship.” Modern Mrs. Darcy, 22 September 2014. Accessed 20 March 2017.

Berkowitz, Gail. “UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women.” CND: UCLA Study On Friendship Among Women, 2002, www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html. Accessed 21 March 2017.